YOU’RE a baby
I’M a baby
WE CAN BE BABIES TOGETHER
so tonight my philosophy professor had these nasty bruises all over her arms and she stopped mid-lecture to say “sorry you guys have to look at my bruised-up body, my friend brought a stripper pole over for thanksgiving and that shit is not easy. tip your strippers. tip your strippers well” and then immediately kept talking about philosophy
whenever i’m sad I think to myself that somewhere in the world this cute little puppy wearing pyjamas and little ducky slippers is out there
and then I’m not sad anymore
Why is Santa’s sack so big?
Because he only comes once a year
Keep your relationship private without keeping your partner a secret. There’s a difference between privacy and secrecy.
”are you seriously wearing no makeup?” “thats why you look tired” “you let yourself go” “your hair looked prettier before you cut it” “your boobs and butt arent big enough” “wow your thighs” “are those scars” “you’d be prettier if-“